Global Boring

Have you ever thought how BORING climate change would be if only reports about it NOT occurring were released?  It seems to only make news and be interesting if people say it IS happening and something MUST be done.  What's the incentive for reporters, news networks, politicians, and scientists to say anything that doesn't scare the living hell out of people?

ANCHORMAN ALEX:  We turn now to our Midwest climate correspondent, Peter Plains...
PETER PLAINS:  Thanks Alex.  Well you can see today there is nothing going on here in Iowa.  The temperature is normal and there is a light breeze heading South and West.  If you look at this soil, it looks brown and has had absolutely no impact from climate change.  In fact the landscape here is very much as it has always been.  Temperatures and weather has been the same here with some minor natural fluctuation for the last 100 years.  Back to you Alex.
ANCHORMAN ALEX:  Uh... Do you have any news about climate change there Peter?
PETER PLAINS:  No Alex, there doesn't seem to be much going on outside of the ordinary.
ANCHORMAN ALEX:  Um.. Ok thank you Peter.
PETER PLAINS:  Thanks Alex.
ANCHORMAN ALEX:  That's Peter Plains, our Midwest climate correspondent.
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ANCHORMAN ALEX:  Cushy Sanford, Democrat Congressman from Virginia, had a press conference today about his Climate Committee's conclusion about recent global warming studies.  Here is the clip:
CUSHY SANFORD IN CLIP:  After months of investigation our congressional committee has concluded that climate change, while it may be occurring, is the result of natural causes.  Therefore we have decided to take no action and proceed with allowing the private sector to develop alternative energies with no public funds so they can produce them according to the natural evolution of energy development.  This means my job will be less important, I will demand fewer taxes from the public, and I won't be asked time and again by my voters and other countries to do something they believe only we politicians can do.  The fact is there is no problem so we can all focus on other issues, about which I have even less influence.
ANCHORMAN ALEX:  Cushy Sanford, Democrat from Virginia, giving a speech today on Climate Change.
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ANCHORMAN ALEX:  For our last segment I will be interviewing Professor Climate McChange, a research fellow at the Liberal Foundation.  He has just released a book titled "Humans Cause the Climate To Change, And You Need To Do Something About It."  Thank you for coming on the show, Professor McChange.
MCCHANGE:  Happy to be here.
ANCHORMAN ALEX:  You say we need to do something about climate change.  Why?
MCCHANGE:  Well see my job is very boring and I don't make much money unless I publish books.  I am also a big fan of Al Gore's politics.  My foundation relies on contributions from alternative energy companies and from individuals who have liberal political persuasions.
ANCHORMAN ALEX:  That is some compelling evidence!
MCCHANGE: Indeed it is!  And that's why I'm here Alex because I care about our world.
ANCHORMAN ALEX:  Well, Professor I'm afraid we're out of time.  Thank you for being on our show.  Good day everyone.